Troll's Culinary Throwdown!

(red text is links to the good stuff)

I was thumbin' through some of mah favorite recipes in search of the vittles most suited to the Troll's Culinary Throwdown Challenge. Uncle came along side, "What'cha gonna make me?"

"Nuthin'...jes' lookin'" I replied.

"Fer what?" Uncle had a tone that was nigh to poutin'.

"I need somethin' irristible," I mumbled, turning the page in Bon Appetit, Y'all that Shamu recommended some months back. My eye rested on a Fried Catfish fingers with Remoulade Sauce....

"Well, now darlin', I'se aaahll the irrisitible ya' need. What ya want is somethin' to feed yore irristible man."

Y'all, I jes' din't bother none--mah experience is a man that appreciates his own irristibility is impervious to reality. All I said in reply was,

"It ain't fer us'uns tonight, its fer the blog Throwdown, Aloysius. We's putin' up our best Southern dishes, preferably wif' twist."

"Oh now, thas' easy. Jes' throw some of them collard greens wif smoked ham at the blog an' youse shure to win."

"No, Aloysius, ya' doan git it. Thas' too ordinary. It's missin' the twist. Ya know, like JoLinda's collard greens and sweet corn slaw, that could work. See the twist on regular collards?"

Uncle hrrumphed, "I doan eat no hairy see collard greens."

"Hairy see? Wha'? "

"Hairy See collards--ya know--unorthodox, hairetical greens. Collards ain't fer slaw. Cabbage is."

I couldn't hep it, mah eyes rolled up to my brows. "Cabbage an' collards is in the same family, Aloyisus. "

"Uh-huh, yeah, an' so is me and cousin Maurice, an ' ya see what thats' worth. Why not send in Rabbit Hash wif poached eggs?"

"This is serious" I said. "I'se puttin' Danelion Wine Sangria in, an' maybe yore meanest Sazerac.
I have Lou Nell's famous Orange Crush, carrot and ginger aspic..."

"Gah!" Uncle grimaced "nobody likes aspic. Loser food."

"Reckon you'd be happy to have me post up that favorite Venison Sausage, Fried Sage and Black Olive Pizza, would'na ya'? or how abaout that Venison Osso Bucco wif sun dried tomato gnocchi?

He smiled, "That'd work. It would work. But, I'se thinkin', what about an easy to make thang, somethin reliable-- not frightenin'. It might be slip up on 'em. Everbody liked that skewered pork last weekend."

"Hmmn, thas a good one, Aloysius, Grilled Sweet and Spicy Pork on Sugarcane Skewers. But it ain't as elegant a Goat Cheese and Grits souffle."

"Naw, Belle," he mused," iffin' youse goin' fer grits, send in that rockin' Dove Ettoufee on Kiss Mah Grits. The one I amde in the iron pot down to the camp.

Mah head was spinnin'. I rejected Black Eyed Pea Hummus on Sweet Potato Jalapeno Pita (too hard to make that pita, yummy, but it takes an hour) But kept tunrin' back to the recipe box and pullin' out Chicken and Pesto Dumplings.
All this rich food set me to groanin'...need somethin' light. Somethin'....I knows! We need us some Watermelon Granita wif' Mint to cool thangs down.

Iffin I'se ambitious I'd offer mah wicked, wicked Kumquat and Pecan Baklava, but it's a lotta work fer most folks...sigh. Or, wait!! Rosie's pappy, the fella down the road wif six avocado trees, spoons up a silky avocado ice cream--heh!

Uncle lost interest once I declined to include his favorite Roast Leg of Wild Pig wif' Blackberry Balsamic Glaze.

Truth to tell, mah own head is near to spinnin' jes' thinkin' on it all. I gives up--it's all good an' I cain't settle on the one best dish! I think I'se jes gonna settle fer a nightcap of Cafe Brulot.


The blogger dawg ate mah homework!!

I uploaded this post and went to bed ...then woke, went out dew-dancin' to see what the rain brought--see the morning glory reachin' fer heaven??

Then came in to find that blogger et it up mah post--huh?!
This heah is the repost

P.S. Fishy's daddy may be a good biscuit maker, but mah Daddy has this best and easiest biscuit recipe

Daddy's biscuits

2 cups of Dixie Lily self-rising flour
1 1/4 c heavy cream
1/4 c milk (if needed)

preheat oven to 450
lightly grease cookie sheet

Sift flour twice so that it is very light, then remeasure 2 cups of the sifted flour into a bowl
make a "well" in center of the bowl, pour cream into well
stir gently & briefly to moisten all the flour and form dough

(trick is to have a "light" hand--do not over mix or dough will be tough. If dough is not moist enough add in the milk

Dough can be patted out and biscuit cutters used, but we jes' drop a dollop of dough by a tablespoon onto the pan.

Bake until jes' turnin' golden brown, about 9-11 minutes.

Splurge wif good European butter (higher fat content) and the best homemade jam ya' can find.

Now how easy is that??


fishy said...

I'm with yore Allow.us.wishes,
What time is dinner on the Porch?

Boxer said...

I was wondering where you were this morning.

When in doubt.... drink.

Doom said...

Doh! You and several other bloggers just make me hungrier than a man ought to be. I could take a nap and wake up with a limb gone. Well, my kitchen got cleaned up, so at least I can cook a little now. But I am not up to a true feast, yet.

So, yeah, what time is dinner? I'll bring refreshments, just let me know what is needed. Bah, fishy is probably lucky enough to really get to go.

TROLL Y2K said...

Nomedeplume, huh? This was great and the "cracker-speak" enhanced it. I'm nominating you for the "mouth-watering text teases" and "best drinks" awards. The Watermelon and Coffee drinks sound yummy.

Thanks for playing and I hope the SCA gives you a high score.

P.S. 2 of the 3 members of the SCA are Florida Crackers. Didn't do ME any good but maybe they'll show some bias for YOU.

kmwthay said...

Aw, Auntie - I was looking forward to seeing what you were going to do. But I understand about husbands making it difficult to make a decision.

I really want to try the grilled sweet and sour pork on sugarcane skewers. mmmmmmmm. It looks a bit to complicated for this non-cooker though.

Heff said...

Now that's a Southern dish if I've ever seen one !

Aunty Belle said...

Hey y'all--in case ya din't know it all recipes is at


youse wellcome anytime! Was hopin' ya's git yore own entry posted--but know youse a busy Fishy.

Boxer Babe

it is ALL yore fault. I stayed up watchin' UnrealHousewives and now I'se messed -up!


Sugar, jes' c'mon down--Uncle nad me will feed FIshy and you real good.

Troll Y2K,
heh...nome deux plume (yep, it is mah SECOND nome as Aunty is the first.) But I WILL say I is disappointed Troll--I din't catch yore eye wif them main dishes? Well, drat. Someday, Sweet Troll, Aunty will git ya up heah fer a Floriday summit or somethin' and feed ya that Dove Etoufee on Kiss mah Grits, an' you will sigh an drift off to Troll heaven.


thanky! No no--the pork on sugacane skewers is not hard--time in kitchen, sure, but not hard.

Hey Heff,

youse sweet to drop by--reckon t hangs is a wee too tame fer ya on mah proches.

Aunty Belle said...

oops...thas' porches, not proches

TROLL Y2K said...


I liked the main dishes too. I'm just running out of award names.

Sandcastle Momma said...

Oh my! My mouth is watering just sittin here reading these recipes. That pork on sugar cane skewers looks really good and I think we're gonna try that one tonight.

Aunty Belle said...

Okay y'all, I'se boasted to Fishy that MAH Daddy can beat her Daddy's biscuits. Wanna see the recipe? I added it to the bottom of may Throwdown post after the morning glory photo.

Sorry Fishy...heh heh heh.

moi said...

That's okay, Aunty. We all know you can cook us under the table.

And make us laugh, too. Y'all, I jes' din't bother none--mah experience is a man that appreciates his own irristibility is impervious to reality.Uh. Yes.

P.S. I didn't see your biscuit recipe. I need it. After 14 years, I STILL struggle.

Aunty Belle said...

Moi, no no , Cherie, I cookin' no folks under the table --leastways not yore ownself wif' that amazin' BBQ shrimp--hoo-whee!

AN' Daddy's biscuits is posted now--under the mornin' glory picture in the post. They's easy, quick an' foolproof.

SophieMae said...

Mama mia! Reckon would Uncle share his Roast Leg of Wild Pig wif' Blackberry Balsamic Glaze receipt?! I'd have to sub a domesticated swine, but Duller wouldn't care. Meanwhile, I have purt near ever'thin' I need for Grilled Sweet and Spicy Pork on Sugarcane Skewers. Haven't chewed on a hunka cane since Hector was a pup.

Now I need to go add that book to my wish list.

chickory said...

what a damn show off with all them recipes. why didnt ya show em the fishes and grits ya made me? that whars GOOOOOD. kinda funny i heard from another daddy just very recently a simple biscuit recipe but that had LARD in it. can you believe that? what is that? bacon grease. man.

good one aunty

fishy said...

Well Belle,
You been saying a plenty on this throwdown about yore daddy's biscuits. I have read the recipe and yep, it sounds very simple. Like my own family recipe a LIGHT touch is the secret.

DaddyFishy's Biscuits:

2 cups Martha's flour
2 tsp natural sugar
1/2 cup shortening
3/4 cups buttermilk

sift dry ingredients twice
make a well
pour in the buttermilk
stir only till dough sticks together
Don't knead or roll
Dollop onto ungreased sheet
bake @450 for 9-10 minutes.

Your Dad gets his fat from the cream,
mine from the butter milk and shortening.

I can't never make my Daddy's biscuits, might try your recipe and see what comes of it. I am hankering after some of those sweet taters.

Aunty Belle said...

roarin' out loud, Chickory and Fishy!!

Somethin' familiar I reckon 'bout Southern Daddies...or, mayhap yore daddies is 'bout the same age--them ole time Southerners was lard eaters--heh.

Chickory, Uncle wants ya to know that lard is beautiful clarified pork fat--a bit purer than bacon grease, as it's minus the sediment. Amazin' thang is it is free of them nasty transfats that kill ya'...ain't free of cholesterol though. An' well, thar' jes' ain't NO substiute when makin' pie crusts that flake like a dream.


what a chuckle....do ya think Martha's flour (Martha WHITE, not Stewart) is better'n Dixie Lily??

Yore buttermilk recipe sounds divine. Hug yore Daddy an' tell him I din't mean no disrespect.

Aunty Belle said...

Sophie Mae,

hey Puddin'! Oh you bet, Uncle would be beamin' jes' to know anybody cared to try it.

Git yore leg of pig (wild or tame).Slice a big yellow onion an' put it in a big plastic bag wif the pig leg, toss in a sprig of thyme, cover wif' buttermilk and let marinate fer 24 hours (I think that is fer wild--takes the gamy taste down a notch). Drain meat and pat dry.

Next, smash some garlic cloves into 2 tbs of bacon drippin's and rub that paste over the leg, then pepper the leg purty good wif fresh ground black pepper.

Set grill to medium high, wif wet hickory chips too iffin' ya like that, then sear the pig leg until it has nice "brandin" " (grill marks) then turn heat to low fer 30 minutes. (close grill) Now then, next ya brush it wif' a baste of:

1/2 cup seedless blackberry jam (or jelly),

3 tbs. of bacon drippin's

1/2 c balsamic vinegar

that ya heat until jam is liquid in the vinegar. ( heat on stove is better--the bacon drippin's can pop in the microwave)

Baste again after 15 minutes and so on until meat thermometer say 165 ( yeah, I know--Uncle doan like overcooked pork--so cook as ya please)

In the oven cook at 450 fer 10 minutes, then turn oven down to 325. Follow as above.

Lemme know iffin' ya tried the sugarcane skewers.

Aunty Belle said...

Sophie Mae,

hahaha--"since Hector was a pup"

Sugar youse full of Southernisms!

pamokc said...

I would LOVE love to try them there biscuits. We don't get that flour around here though. I'd try these myself. I bake, but don't cook. If that makes sense.

Gnomeself Be True said...

That all sounds just tooooo good.
I'm ready.

moi said...

Thanks Aunty and Fishy for the biscuit recipes. Those are two totally different approaches (united only by the "light" hand, which is, of course, self-evident in biscuit-making). I will try BOTH this weekend and let you know, although I may not be able to get those flours here in time.

Oh, and to Fishy and K9: Lard is used in New Mexico in just about every kind of baked product, including our biscuits. Sno Cap rules in these parts.

TROLL Y2K said...

I will definately try Uncle's hawg recipe next time I bag one. Will probably bake it.

Floridacracker said...

Do ya have the "Seasonal Florida" Cookbook in yo kitchen?

foam said...

but i looooooooooooove collard greens wif smoked ham ..
this really was an awful post to read first thing on a saturday morning before i've had my coffee and anything to eat .... ;/
now i'm completely starved!!

Aunty Belle said...

All y'all--(hey Foamy!!!!)

think we oughta put a bloggers cookbook together??

fishy said...

back to them biscuits, the lard needs to be at room temperature, start with a fork to make things all crumbly and then add the buttermilk. Yep, Martha White flour ..... Martha Stewart is a YANKEE! You shorely cannot make a Southern biscuit with a yankee flour. If my daddy heard you say that, he'd be fetching the switch.

That hog leg sounds to me like it would go fine with biscuits, your Dads or mine!