Getting Mah Goat

Uncle overruled me an' we has two magnolia trees at the front door instead of the lacy ficus that froze in Janywary. He din't want no more froze out trees, so, now, we have that formal look as ya come up to the place. Anyhoo....

Them Magnolias has been in a few months so the tree fella came out to check they health.
"Throw some 10-10-10 on 'em now, not too much, then mulch with pine straw. Easy."

Heh.

Uncle Aloyisus wuz to take off fer the huntin' camp Friday afternoon--he is as excited as a kid on account of it be openin' weekend fer bow season, an' the Gators is gonna trounce the Vols in Knoxville. On top of all that goody, he done got a big ole check from the Cabela 's outfit fer some binoculars that was defective the THIRD time an' so he took hisself off someplace that sold him some Czech made lookers an' he's happier than' a kitty in cream.

"Afore ya takes off, Aloysius, why'nt ya go git that 10-10-10 an' throw it around yore trees" I said.

"Shure thang, Belle. Be back in a jiffy." An' off he trotted. Doin' some small chore afore he high tails it outa heah fer days at a time makes Uncle feel somewhat justified. I knows to use these departure moments wisely.

But Uncle were gone all mornin'. When he came through the door the poor man wuz scowlin' an barked, "they ain't got no 10-10-10 in this county."

I'se puzzled, " Ya mean thar's been a run on fertilizer?"

"Naw" Uncle said, "Thar's no such a thang no more as somethin'-somethin'-somethin'. All ya can git is somethin'- nuthin'-somethin'. I'se scoured the south end of the county--ain't none."





I stood thar'. What wuz he talkin' about?

"Doan look at me daft-like, Belle. The gubmint doan allow no more phosphorus in fertilizers."

Uncle drove off wif' me still wonderin' what in the sam hill wuz the gubmint up to now? Iffin' only I could fertilize mah trees wif' that load of manure the gubmint puts out daily!

So happens that on the day the tree man came by we got into a discussion on crab grass. It's takin' us over in one section an' nuthin' we's done an' nuthin' commercial lawn folks has done stops crabgrass. "They took Azulox off the market--nothing else works on St. Augustine, I'm sorry to say."

No, he ain't sorry--he's hopin' to sell me sod when I git mad enough to fork out all that weedy area.

The whole thang jes' got mah goat. All I wanna do is insure the health of some expensive new trees an' git rid of some crabgrass. Why in blazes is I thwarted at every turn?

Gracious, doan mess wif' a determined AuntyBelle. I FOUND THE 10-10-10 by 2pm. Whar' I found it the fella also warned of restrictions on nitrogen in fertilizers. SO...I ...well, ya' know.

By 4pm, I had ten gallons of Azulox --the only way they would sell it to me--an along wif' it came a list of folks who would buy small amounts ( quarts) from me such that I'se gonna make back mah investment PLUS 500 bucks. Heh.

Okay, I know, I know.....too much phos an' nitrogen in the Florida runoff causes algae bloom in surface waters. I ain't applyin' the stuff when it rains, or over applyin' it....but at some point thar's a place fer responsible use. Of course thar' is--cause the sod lobby made shure that sod farmers can use it--an' even backyard gardens can use somethin'- nuthin'-somethin', instead of nuthin'- nuthin' -somethin'.

Mah whole point is that our daily lives is now so over-regulated ya cain't even accomplish a small Saturday chore wif'out skinin' yore nose on some gubmint barbed-wire fence.

I is movin' toward garden and food anarchy. I'se already a Food Criminal (see new post on Back Porch)

Check out this 10-10-10 project!



In celebration of mah small triumph, I'se gonna have a goat BBQ. I orders mah goats from this Master Goat and Sheep Farmer in nawth Florida: