Getting Mah Goat

Uncle overruled me an' we has two magnolia trees at the front door instead of the lacy ficus that froze in Janywary. He din't want no more froze out trees, so, now, we have that formal look as ya come up to the place. Anyhoo....

Them Magnolias has been in a few months so the tree fella came out to check they health.
"Throw some 10-10-10 on 'em now, not too much, then mulch with pine straw. Easy."


Uncle Aloyisus wuz to take off fer the huntin' camp Friday afternoon--he is as excited as a kid on account of it be openin' weekend fer bow season, an' the Gators is gonna trounce the Vols in Knoxville. On top of all that goody, he done got a big ole check from the Cabela 's outfit fer some binoculars that was defective the THIRD time an' so he took hisself off someplace that sold him some Czech made lookers an' he's happier than' a kitty in cream.

"Afore ya takes off, Aloysius, why'nt ya go git that 10-10-10 an' throw it around yore trees" I said.

"Shure thang, Belle. Be back in a jiffy." An' off he trotted. Doin' some small chore afore he high tails it outa heah fer days at a time makes Uncle feel somewhat justified. I knows to use these departure moments wisely.

But Uncle were gone all mornin'. When he came through the door the poor man wuz scowlin' an barked, "they ain't got no 10-10-10 in this county."

I'se puzzled, " Ya mean thar's been a run on fertilizer?"

"Naw" Uncle said, "Thar's no such a thang no more as somethin'-somethin'-somethin'. All ya can git is somethin'- nuthin'-somethin'. I'se scoured the south end of the county--ain't none."

I stood thar'. What wuz he talkin' about?

"Doan look at me daft-like, Belle. The gubmint doan allow no more phosphorus in fertilizers."

Uncle drove off wif' me still wonderin' what in the sam hill wuz the gubmint up to now? Iffin' only I could fertilize mah trees wif' that load of manure the gubmint puts out daily!

So happens that on the day the tree man came by we got into a discussion on crab grass. It's takin' us over in one section an' nuthin' we's done an' nuthin' commercial lawn folks has done stops crabgrass. "They took Azulox off the market--nothing else works on St. Augustine, I'm sorry to say."

No, he ain't sorry--he's hopin' to sell me sod when I git mad enough to fork out all that weedy area.

The whole thang jes' got mah goat. All I wanna do is insure the health of some expensive new trees an' git rid of some crabgrass. Why in blazes is I thwarted at every turn?

Gracious, doan mess wif' a determined AuntyBelle. I FOUND THE 10-10-10 by 2pm. Whar' I found it the fella also warned of restrictions on nitrogen in fertilizers. SO...I ...well, ya' know.

By 4pm, I had ten gallons of Azulox --the only way they would sell it to me--an along wif' it came a list of folks who would buy small amounts ( quarts) from me such that I'se gonna make back mah investment PLUS 500 bucks. Heh.

Okay, I know, I know.....too much phos an' nitrogen in the Florida runoff causes algae bloom in surface waters. I ain't applyin' the stuff when it rains, or over applyin' it....but at some point thar's a place fer responsible use. Of course thar' is--cause the sod lobby made shure that sod farmers can use it--an' even backyard gardens can use somethin'- nuthin'-somethin', instead of nuthin'- nuthin' -somethin'.

Mah whole point is that our daily lives is now so over-regulated ya cain't even accomplish a small Saturday chore wif'out skinin' yore nose on some gubmint barbed-wire fence.

I is movin' toward garden and food anarchy. I'se already a Food Criminal (see new post on Back Porch)

Check out this 10-10-10 project!

In celebration of mah small triumph, I'se gonna have a goat BBQ. I orders mah goats from this Master Goat and Sheep Farmer in nawth Florida:


darkfoam said...

fertilizers have always confused me. you would think that there would be alternatives that accomplish the same thing if 10-10-10 is hard to come by.

Aunty Belle said...

hey Foamy!!

How are ya'?

It is confusin...an' Aunty ain't no scientist, but the alternative of compostin'--at least the aerobic method--loses nitrogen--no nitrogen, no decent yield in crops or flowers. The fertilizer seller tole me that the onliest way we's gonna git nitrogen fer gardens was when it rains...or to go out an tinkle on yore own flowers. What do ya bet that Monsanto can git all the nitro it wants

fishy said...

Bravo! for prevailing. A caution :
Doan sell none of that to others, cause you gonna want some more in the future. A little bit of insurance would be a fine thing.

Wiil ya be telling us what Uncle done fetched to the larder wif his bow huntin?

Pam said...

You go Auntie! I have a feeling that what happened here in OKC to one federal building back in 1995 might have something to do with restricted ability to obtain fertilizer. Hope you aren't on some gub-ment list now. I did read something last week from one of those internet doctors (Mercola?) about how keeping seeds and growing your own veggies is going to be illegal. Thought of you, I should e-mail it to you if you haven't seen that article arleady.

R.Powers said...

Not hard to find out here in the hinterlands ... fertilizer that is.
I don't use any pest or herbycides.

Buzz Kill said...

I hope you and Uncle don't get a visit from the FBI. Running around the county looking for a specific fertilizer might put you on their terrorist-fertilizer-bomb watchlist. Just saying...

THE FEDS said...

We'd like your address, social security number and home phone number, "Aunty".

Oh wait, we already do!

We would advise you not to even think about trying to buy any herbal tea. That's next.

renegade chicken wrangler said...

well i save peggy jean and all the hens poop and pile that up along with the horse manure i get. makes a big ol hot pile of nitro. but the tyranny that is upon is for real.

how about this woman who is petitioning congress to put cough meds behind the counter requiring a scrip because her idiot son drinks it to get high. a metaphor for the entire nightmare we find ourselves in. everybody has to be managed to account for the weak and stupid and evil/

like mah diddy sayed: Its the tyranny of the weak

well the shut downs of amish farm markets, street markets and general federal oppression is just ramping up. i guess eric holder spends his day researching what little people he can squash while the financial sector strip mines this entire nation into dust.

I think the doc PamOKC is talking about is doctor rima laibow. she has an extensive paper on the CA and the fact that our food -specifically americans food -is not nutritious but has a another function. guess what that is.

Jenny said...

Soon, attempting to stay healthy by eating right and taking supplements will be illegal. It's frightening what certain groups are trying to change. Because of course, Americans are clearly too stupid and NEED the government to do it for us; with crap food and synthesized versions of nature. It's frightening and it makes me very, very, angry.

GMO salmon said...

we dont want to be frankenfish :-(

Kymical Reactions said...

Well, Auntie, if you do end up getting a goat, watch out for the ring worm. My coworker lets her young en's show goats at a local barn. One of the goats got the worm and spread it to all of the other goats in the barn. Then, the goats gave it to their showers. Some of the showers gave it to their mums and pops. And that is exactly how my coworker had what looked like teeny pepperoni's all over her. It was pretty gross. I wonder if goat poo is worth a chance of ring worm. blech.

Aunty Belle said...

Uncle is morose! He ain't seen a thang--mayhap it's still too hot--ot mayhap the coyotes need thinnin'. Heh.


Oh! Mercy--ain't even thought of that--but surely there's other means of bomb makin' that plant food? Sigh. Good point, but is thar' somethin' wrong wif this picture? 100 million gardeners is held up by one nut case?


Mr. Buff hisself--how's your 90 program comin'? Well...I does use herbicide on the worst problems--no round up, but the herb specific thangs fer the worst offenders, an even that I use judiciously. No crabgrass at PFHQ? what natural crabgrass killer does ya employ?

I take yore warnin', though mayhap it is too late--everbody know s how dangerous a criminal cracker I be. Thas' not the real worry--the worry is soon enough all y'all will be criminals too!

Hey FEDS Man!

Ya' got me shakin' in Mah boots! Reckon rebellion is mah ole Cracker blood--yores too, huh?

Renegade Chicken Wrangler (RCW) yore deddy reminds me of mah own Papa Cracker, must be their generation. Papa C say: The tyranny of the weak over the strong is "I cain't ( won't), but y'all, can, so y'all carry us on yore backs."
Gotta ck on who this rima laibow is--thanky.

Boxer babe
thas' eggsactly the emotions, fear an' anger--mercy but I do hope the folks will git up outa that couch potato malaise an hoe a row--put in some beans people.

GMO salmon--we feel yore pain! does ya' know about
Monterey Bay Aquarium ? They rate which seafood is safe to eat--most salmon ain't safe no more:



Yick!! Ring worm? gag. Will ck mah goat lady on the matter.

I friend called today to say she's goin' in wif' her brother to buy a cow--we all need to do this--make a loud noise--at the cash register. DO NOT BUY FRANKENFOODS!

I luv all y'all dear souls.

Aunty Belle said...

One more thang, FISHY sent this link:


scroll to bottom to find city closest to yore cabin.

moi said...

I'd say something about the stoooooopid ass gooberment here, but I can't take my thumb out of my mouth.

fishy said...

That link was:
They also have facebook, twitter and some will love the soon to be launched RADIO so we can all stay current. And listen everybody, get a subscription and help these folks have a viable business keeping us all smarter about foods.

Did y'all all read the AP report today on Fish or Frankenfish? A Mass company called AquaBounty is having their GE "Atlantic Salmon" tested at the FDA. Early documents released from the FDA before the hearing is their scientists have found no biologically relevant differences between the engineered salmon and conventional salmon. They say there is a "reasonable certainty" consumption of the frankenfish will not be harmful. It will, however, be profitable.

Now I have to think seriously about what I need to be hoarding besides hand tools, gloves, boots, bicycle tires and heritage seeds.

Jenny said...

New contest! New contest! Please come see me when you have time.

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