Boomers' Bloomers

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Last week we wuz up at the Mount Dora Art Festival.

I knowed it wuz gonna be a bad day when I caught Uncle lookin' at cleavage, not crafts.

"Aloysius, it ain't seemly fer ya to stare at that poor ole woman's unfortunate choice of attire."

Wolfish delight spread over his face. "Belle, ya' have to admit, the Baby Boomers is hard to keep down. Doan ya admire that lady fer not givin' in to old age? That ole' gal still has it goin'. She can still shake a leg, I'll bet."

"That ain't a lady, an age speckled ostrich eggs squished into a halter top ain't mah idea of a fashion statement."

"But Belle, looky..."

"Reckon youse doin' enough looky fer the both of us," I snapped.

"I mean, she must be 60 but she ain't give into wearin no gunny sacks an' a bun on her haid. Doan'cha admire that spunky attitude?"

"Aloysius, thar's a reason gunny sacks wuz invented. It ain't charitable to others to wear spandex britches when yore posterior is fannin' the grass."

Uncle rolled his eyes.

"I'm jes' sayin' yore standards shure has dropped, thas' all," I added.

"So's mah pecs," he said.

"Thas' why yore shirts is starched crisp. Public droop should be ticketed-- like littering: Up To $500 For Drooping. $1000 After Dark."

We walked on up the street as Ole Lady Spandex passed goin' down t'other way.

"Besides," I said, " It ain't done her no good. All she got fer her trouble was that grampa in biker shorts wif' a bad comb-over. "

Thar' warn't much good art, a few nice water colors of fish, a lady wif' long grey braids playin' a dulcimer....we walked on in a silent truce.

"Belle, thang is, I seen my Nana's britches hangin' on the line when I was a kid. I reckon I'se not lookin' forward to granny panties."

"Then doan wear them, Aloysius."

He bit back a chuckle. "Ya know what I mean. Every age oughta have some enticement."

"Aloysius, I knowed yore Nana, an she warn't no Whistler's Mama. But seriously, thar' is an age after which..."

But he cut me off, head swivlin' around to follow some lucite spike heels holdin' up a totterin' 70ish woman wif' a Joan Rivers grimace whar' a smile oughta' been, swingin' a sequined cell phone holster.

"Heh," he said, "What'cha bet she ain't wearin' no granny panties."

"Her?" I asked. "Nope. She's into thong diapers by now."


fishy said...

H-O-W-L !!!!!!

OMG Aunty this is a stitch of the first water. I'se still holding my sides and trying to type. Thong diapers for the aging baby boomers with they's freckled old bosoms and comb overs .... ICK !!!

So now my question is:
you given any particular style of bloomers to Wishy for Saint Valentines Day?

K9 said...

jaysus. how fast can i move to the woods, shut the gate and put a lock on it? gag on that art too. if i see another "i cant draw the human body so i paint meaningless swaying figures in an ugly decorative non space" i will finally crack. i am so close already.

i like those bloomers. i could roll in those.

very funny ontty

CHEF TROLL said...

I thought Boomers were the worst generation in history until Generation YO! raised their scrawny weakling arms and chanted stale left-over Boomer slogans like dim-witted parrots.

foam said...

designer diapers? oh boy ..
i want mine to have "80ish and still hot" written all over them ..
should i be so lucky to get that old, that is ..

Aunty Belle said...

Fishy Icthy,

in florida, we's subjected to age spotted décolleté year round--but at gatherin's like art festivals the show is at peak, shall we say.


In fact, I did name one poor ole thang "Gagatha". But, uh, bloomies on a Rottie? C'mon!

I know , I know, i KNOW!! Padmalicious they ain't.


Honey, yore art is better'n any I seen --c'mon down heah and set up shop.

Yep, uncle say iffin' he has to wear man-diapers he's gonna git some custom made jobbies wif' deer haids printed on 'em. I doan wanna say what image that conjures in MAH haid.

K9 said...

how do you make those "e's" with the thing over it like in decollete?

The Java Junkie said...

I kind of like the bloomers too...

Sorry I haven't been around, Aunty. The wee boys have been keeping me very busy! Luckily, I have the next two weeks off to play catch-up...In the meantime, there's a little something new in the Kitchen that I think you might like!

You're cordially invited to the Kitchen

NYD said...

There is nothing better than to spend the day observing the female figure and eventhough I do draw the line at those with designer Depends, I can't fault those who are battling age and gravity with whatever weapons fashion and science provide. I say go for it, but do have some style!

P.S. When I was younger, I wished I was as cool as Jack. Now I can say we share similar physical charateristics.

fishy said...

I believe you and Uncle is spawning a new industry for all the starving artists out in Bloggerland.....I cannot wait to see what designer diapers they come up with. And about Uncle's proposed deer haid design wish....gives new meaning to the term "horny" !

What is it with these fellas... Blowfish is lobbying for me to change his identity to one more of his liking...his recommendation is, naturally, "Studfish"

Aunty Belle said...

Fishy, bein' a lady, I ain't gonna ask why spousefish wants to trade one suggestive moniker fer another.

moi said...

We get these aging beauty queens flaunting way more than they should here in the Sunbelt, too. Phoenix and Vegas can be a real horror show.

It's pretty simple: The older you get, the more you should cover – stylishly, of course.

Hope you had a lovely V-Day!

Boxer said...

bwahaahahah - how did I miss this fabulous post?

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