Pure Shameless Copy-Cat-ing!

So I went over to Iamnot's blog fer a visit and he done pasted up a repost of what he wrote on that date a year back..." huh?" says Aunty Belle. What a fine idea when ya need to change your post but ain't got no time. So I'se cribbin' right out of Iamnot's book. Ain't even makin' apologies fer stealin' his good idea.

Turns out, January 15 2007 was a hell of a day fer yores truly. This is view of Aunty Belle some of ya'll ain't seen yet. Git ready:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Maude called. She is trekkin' off ter Machu Pinch You with her bowlin' group. She'll see me in a fortnight.

Mary Ruth Buford is hosting a shindig fer some polly-tician an hired a quartet to play while they pass the chittlin's.

Life here ain't nearly as thrilling.

At 6:40 a.m., Uncle is off to mush his huskies so I started a hot bath an' went down ter make me some coffee to enjoy while I sits in a long bath with fancy sea salts and all that stuff Santy Claus give me.

I needs a pep up afore I had ter face Cerberus again today. (Yesterday, Cerberus ate my homework, footnotes an' all and I missed mah deadline. An' thas' one thang that shure doan sit well wif Aunty.)

Well, chicks, this mornin' was so gorgeous! I opened the back porch door ter breathe it in, stepped out and ...the wind blew the door shut. Locked.

I'se in diaphanous batiste. Outside. With the door locked. No Blueberry, Blackberry nor Pearl. An' the water is running full bore upstairs and every door and window downstairs is tighter than San Quentin.

I'se jes' frantic with visions of wet ceilings falling through to the front parlor, mold and mildew growing on walls forevermore. LORDY!! What is I gonna do now??

I sprint to the front yard, praying them garage windows is unlocked.

Locked. (Jehosaphats!)

I dashes back to porch, grab an afghan draped over a wicker chair (fer covering up what no eye should have ter see) and hot-foot it over ter bang on neighbor's door--MLK day, these kids are away fer a long weekend. Dashin' through the bushes (fer cover) I hustle back ter the porch.

All the while my mind's eye is seein' the water pooling in the hallway, the bedrooms and making rivers down the stairs.....Jesus! (it was a prayer, I swear)

I puts a pewter angel candlestick in the afghan and slam it against the pane in the kitchen french door. Thud.

I ditched the afgan and swung that angel candlestick like a baseball bat.


The music of shatterin' glass did NOT come. I can report that the window over the sink is jes' as impervious to assault with a pewter angel.

Whas' that sound?? Oh, thas' me.....whimpering. Has the water reached the foyer yet? "Sweet Mother of God" (yes, it were a prayer)

Whar' in the hail is a man when ya needs one?

Guess Uncle ain't telepathic, among the gifts he doan have.*

Behind the dogpen fence there lives 25 foot extension ladder. Aunty cannot lift it-- SHOULD not lift it with bulging disc at L 4-5. What the #$%^&* &* #@!
is I gonna do now??

Ain't nuthin' fer it, ya'll.

Wish ya'll could a seen me; staggerin', dancing like a jake-leg drunk and dragging that ladder across the driveway, through the gate, up onto the porch--now what???

How's a body use this thang? I'se only got familiarity with tee-pee style ladders. This thang slides each time I try ter lean it against the second story balcony off our bedroom--with open french doors. It's 20 foot up.

Moan. LORDY!!

The cement "praying angel" statue
is the heaviest thang I can shove against this ladder ter brace it. Can I (me??) climb this thang? I'se so frazzled I cain't recollect if I'se afeared of heights!

I tuck the hem of the batiste gown into my undies (wha? c'mon, ...ya'll knowed Aunty allus wears granny gowns, l o n g gowns)-- yep, tuck it up so I won't trip on the way up the ladder, and jes' pray the gown will come untucked in case of my whirling, free fall descent and cover my middle aged excesses as I lie comatose at the bottom of the ladder. (Well, I have been driven to chocolate a few times in mah life)

Ya'll know that gizmo at the tub spout what's designed to suck off any overflow? It did. Praise be to God, His Mother, His Saints and His Angles. (Thas' definitely a prayer.)

* Now ya'll I ain't bein' mean ter Uncle...he's a real fine fella most ways...besides which, he has a firm belief that glittery thangs is good fer a lady.


..................... said...

i'm so terribly, terri(snort)bly, sor(chortle)ry, for you mis(lol)hap, aunty (guffaw) belle...;>
man, long gown tucked in undies, huh? ...giggle..
uh, that shed out yonder? surely there's room for a nail in some hidden corner from which a key can dangle?
but on the more serious side..i hope you didn't hurt your back again. slipped disks are no fun..

Aunty Belle said...

Oh Schaumi, sugar pie, youse right!! I gots to do that hidey key thang. Right away...mercy. I'd a been in lees danger in Machu. Ain't sure yet 'bout the back---keepin' it heated fer the moment. So glad ya came by!!

Anonymous said...

aunt b - I don't need any cajolin' to come a-consolin'... this was quite a pree-dicament, right out of a sitcom... but it sounds like it ended well... at least your home sweet home is secure from intruders... if I read this right, you were running around almost in your all-together? we have places for people like you in Pasco Co. for shame! I thought I was the only exhibitionist in this here blog community...

sparringK9 said...

/bark bark bark

aunty i can just see you runnin round trying to manuever a ladder, an afgan, a LONG nightgown and a heavy cement statue
grrherehrhahahaha...glad you got in. thought ya woulda climbed up onto that second floor balconey thing fer sure.


Aunty Belle said...

Bawgs, sweet lad, thanky fer comin' by ter check on me...guess I'se safe from intruders, by LAWDY I'se down in the back, jes' like Schaumi perdicted-- movin' like an crab wearin' a tortoise shell.

Jes' hope I'm upright agin' afore the Cent Fl Blog Summit. Otherwise, you'll know me afore I knows you, cause I'll be the one walkin' crabwise.

Dawg!! Hoo-whee Pup, Can ya picture this? It were a mite tense fer a spell. Hey? Wha'? You got nuthin' ter say about that Cerberus fella houndin'(HOWL!) me??

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Oh- this was fun! I hope you will be ok- :) Loved the whole night gown thing and climbing the ladder! :)
It's funny because of course- I can see me doing the exact same thing! :)
Glad your kitchen window is impervious to pewter angels...lol!
That was the best line! :)

Bird said...

oh ab -this is a delightful read! and i'm not laughing at you at all - i'm really not. i'mlaughing with you.

you DO have a thrilling life.

you have time (when you're not busy being locked out and traisping about with angels and ladders and fetching nightgowns) to sit in a hot bath of a morning sipping coffee.

count your blessings.

and how's your back? i hope you stretched and had a good soak to help it. (I've got two slipped discs - L4 and 5, or maybe it's 4 and 3 - can never get it straight.)

here's a gentle flap/flap and light swoosh for you!

sparringK9 said...

/bark bark bark

yeah i do like that cerberus. looks like a game character....but i dont recognize it.


Aunty Belle said...

Hey Mayden Fair! Why darlin' it were a scene, I can tell ya---onc't a kin folks told me that we had too many "weapons" on the porch--meaning all these objects that couldbe used for a break and enter fella....so now I knows..he ain't gonna git in...at least, not quietly.

Birdy, youse laughin' wif me--well, have a good Caw-Caw! But sugar, Aunty ain't no slacker woman, ya know, jes' cause I have some java in the tub? Looky, that were at
6:40 am !! An didn't ya see that I'd been workin' so hard ...but the dog ate my home work. (I put that Cerberus thang in fer Rottie K9...an that Pup doan even check out how much fun I'se pokin' at dogdom.)

But thanky fer askin' bout the back--how is yours??

Dawg, a game character?? Naw, lessen they got games in the INFERNO. Hint: you ma be a Dog, but you ain't no Cerberus.

Anonymous said...

dear aunty belle

it's been so long, do you even remember me?

I came for a visit, and I think I'm here to stay =)

Lady Prism said...

ohhh' Aunty!..That must have been a big fright!!..he!he!he!...Ad did you tell Uncle what happened when he got back??...hee!hee!

A big hugs to you Aunty...so appreciate your sweet comments in me' bloggy home...made me sniff!..sniff!..a bit...

please take care!..:>>

Aunty Belle said...

Fatty, dear thang, of course I 'members ya! Jes' real pleased ter see ya again....do sit a spell. After my orderal, I could use a little comapany.

Hey Luxie Lady, tickeld to have you pull up a chair--yes, darlin' I told uncle--he had to be the one to take the ladder back DOWN, seein' as how my back is near bout broken.

I shure enjoyed my stop at yore pages. Youse so creative and insightful. Hugs to yore hubz and chillen's.

Mr Q said...

Mind went out for a ride after reading your happenings Aunty. Mind saw sexy, exciting, determined, relentless and courageous.
Mind saw this too
Aunty means bessiness

Aunty Belle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aunty Belle said...

Aw, Q, sugar...Aunty is charmed. Thar' was a time when all that was so b...but I reckon that nowadays a few of those praises is in shorter supply.
Real glad you found somethin' worth imaginin' in my tail of woe...smile...grin...

And Q, baby, that were a fun picture--Aunty dern shure DO mean bidness!

Malinda777 said...

Oh Aunty... so glad this all had a good end, I'm still sitting here chuckling though (with ya fore sure, not at ya). Oh to have that photo of you in the gown going up the ladder.

Don't ya just love days the Lord lets start that way.

sparringK9 said...

/bark bark bark

i thought i smelt fish frying so i ranged by. caught that photo of you Q found. he dont know jus how close he be! grrherhaha

awww aunty i did also read the sweet words you wrote about me over at Q's. (soft) grrrrrrrr thanky much.


Aunty Belle said...

Pup!! Yep...youse semlt aright--Uncle done caught us a mess of speckled perch and I fried ever bit of it up!! Uh huh, and we had broiled tomatoes witha fresh basil peccorino toppin', I cain;t tell ya what ya missed--better git on down thisaway!