3.05.2010

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I see I left the back porch door ajar.

I's so sorry, y'all.

Ruby is a meddlesome pest. Din't mean to leave ya to her mercy. I thanked her fer holdin' the fort, but reminded her that unlocked door doan mean "play in mah computer." I doan think it'll happen again.

I'se missed gettin' round to all yore blogs and keepin' up wif' yore world. Fergive me.

Granny had a close call wif the Last Dance, but she prevailed --this time.

Her long bout of pneumonia an other complications kept her (an me!) in the hospital fer weeks. Clan wide, thar's been much help, so me an Granny ain't workin' through it alone.

The dear soul cain't go home, has been moved to a "skilled nursin' facility," is limp as a rag doll, is still in peril, an thas' jes' whar we is. Ever day is touch an go, an the docs say be ready fer the the last play of the game.

Granny were a mere girl chile when I'se born. When I wuz a pig-tailed 6 year-old, an' kid sis wuz 5 years old, Mama still liked to roller skate an' make doll clothes. I ain't gonna run on --y'all knows already how hard this is fer any clan. I thought mebbe a couple of observations is worthy of yore readin' time, then I'll let it be.

The Process of Good-Bye: Right now we has her Louisiana kinfolks down heah wif' us'uns....had a big dinner of venison sausage last night, an talked about chile'hoods, old cars, football games a'twixt the Gators an' the Tigers, Lebanese an' Cajun cookin', crazy cuzins. We's goin' through the process of sayin' good bye, only we's doin' it wif' Granny still strong in mind despite her body ebbin' away. An' even if the process takes months an' frazzles yore nerves, it's a blessin'. Yes, it is bittersweet, but to know yore time is hoverin' near, an' be able to still visit wif' loved ones is a singular blessin'. We's thankful.

Circle of Life changes our roles: Foamy is a dear blogger who recently bid farewell to her own Mama...Foamy uploads eloquent photos, saturated wif' meanin'....an I seen on her blog a photo of her mama's hands holdin' another's...an so I'se inspired, an took a photo of my hand on Mama's as she lay within reach of heaven's door. Both our hands is old. It is a meditation fer me-- a visible sign that mah own last dance ain't all that far off, so treasure the time. But it also is me holdin' her hand, the full circle of life, as, fer so many years, it wuz her holdin' mine, to lead, to comfort, to protect...all this I now do fer her, 'cause she showed me how.

Of course, it is fittin' that it is Lent. I love this time of year, the liturgical season that reminds us how frail mortal life is. Cherish the days of life, but take care for the comin' of eternity. A soul prepared for the greater gift that lies ahead is a soul that can be serene in this life despite the storms that toss ya to an' fro, first this way then that.

Long time visitors to the Porches know how Aunty's blog often goes silent durin' Lent. On several planes, this Lent is commandin' my energies like never before. An' how odd to find all y'all travelin' alongside of me..'cause I has wanted to look in on yore blogs, she what shape yore own lives is takin'...but I jes' cain't right now...though I do hold all y'all in my Lenten prayers.

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28 comments:

chickory said...

oh aunty this was a beautiful post. and your yard looks so beautiful. can you take your granny some of those pink azaleas? of course, my own mama is in peril as well - and with foamys mama seems to be a rash of fadin out of this world. but your Lenten instructions are well written, and words i take to heart. you are always in my thoughts and prayers. much love to you and your family. esp. mama. xoxoxox

Pam said...

Aunty, welcome back and I am so glad you have been given the gift of time with Granny. I have lost both parents; a brother; a nephew; and others; and I appreciate your reminder of how dear time is to us all. The gift of time is how I described it when a girlfriend was getting close to losing her husband to diabetes complications. The end was nearing, but she had many a wonderful time and conversation with him in the weeks leading up to the final dance. And I think I will adopt your phrase, final dance. Love it. Hang in there, the love is jumping out of your written words.

foam said...

ah auntie, this brought tears to my eyes
you have written the words that i wanted to write but
couldn't find the words for.
the few weeks i had before my mother passed and i knew time was close were such a gift to me. i know so well what you are going through and k9 as well.

foam said...

i love your porch.

Boxer said...

Aunty - your mamma AND Chickory's Mama are in my prayers next to my Father's. I told my sister recently I know there's a reason my father is still here. There are still things to learn. We are only Shepards at this point, nothin more. Welcome home and I'm glad you didn't leave us during Lent this year. xoxox. Onward....

fishy said...

Believe mightily
Hope joyfully
Love divinely

Peace Be With You Aunty, Granny, the clan at large, and the visiting cousins. No doubt Granny's last dance will be to the welcome to Heaven opus.

Definitely take some of those garden blooms to Granny. Florist blooms are never as good as home grown. When you take the flowers, be sure to tell Granny your memories about the roller skates and the doll clothes. Sharing those memories will be presents for Granny to carry with her on her way into Heaven.

Er, not to stray but like Moi wants to see the Kitchens, I'd love to see more of your garden.
Nothing is blooming up this way yet. Everything is still drab gray and listless. I am not even sure the Dogwoods will be out for this year's Easter tribute.

Floridacracker said...

Aunty,
No fair moistening my contacts that way.
Thinking of you and yours during this trying time.

It was beautiful post.

moi said...

Granny is so lucky to have you and your entire clan there to celebrate her life and her remaining days. How wonderful for you all, in fact, to connect like this, despite the sadness.

I love Boxer's words about being shepherds. I remember feeling that shift. For the longest time, I lived my life safe under the umbrella of identity as someone's daughter. Then, one day, I woke up a caretaker. The people who had my back growing up, now I have theirs. Sometimes, though, I feel woefully under qualified for the task . . .

Karl said...

Evening Aunty Belle,

Godspeed Granny. Aunty as much as you want postpone the inevitable, it may be time to allow her to make her own choices and progress on her journey without intervention.

Not saddened by the loss, but celebrating all that she has been.

edifice rex said...

I will keep you and Granny in my thoughts and prayers Aunty. Having only my Mama and one brother and sister left from a once large family, I can feel for what you are going through. Much love and peace to you and yours.

Kymical Reactions said...

Auntie, I'm so glad you're back, and that you have some more time with Granny. Your words, Auntie, are beautiful, and I thank you for sharing them with us. ::>hug<::

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