Sweet Petunias, heah's the hard truth:
To git ready for turnin' over a new leaf an' enterin' the New Year as the New Me, I'se been exfoliated, masked and collengenated, lymphatically drained and dipiliated, pedicured, manicured, an' ginger souffled from shin to chin.
I'se lemon cleansed, an' juiced (mah blood caffeine level is so low I'se made medical history: the first catatonic known to blog.) Mah tresses is glossed an' tossed anew.
I did stop short of lipo-laser deaugmentation thigh therapy. Oh, an I also skipped the $180 ounce anti-agin' agent, cleveahly repurposed bird poop direct from Guanine Geisha. Reckon I ain't desperate enough to pay some leggy yoot to smear bird crap into mah wrinkles. Dignity counts fer somethin'.
So... I'se still headed into 2010 as a faded blossom. Nature will have the last word.
Jes' thought y'all oughta know.