The Lucid Hour

Granny Cracker is awaitin' surgery --a week from now. Meanwhile she be's too weak to do much fer herself, so she cools her jets in "the facility" as she calls it. It ain't got all the comforts of home--her home to be exact, complete wif' pet.

Iffin' ya been readin' here fer a spell then ya know how poor Granny has struggled since July--in an out of her home an "the facility." Iffin' ya touch her, somethin' breaks or bleeds or brusies. This means it takes special machines and at least four hands to move her to an' fro. After the surgery she will be in "the facility" at least 10 weeks. I'se here to say that when your body betrays ya at eve'r turn, but yore mind is sharp as the stilletoes Granny used to wear, well, thas' a cage most folks cain't fathom.

Y'all, at this point, her good humor is jes' frayed past endurance. An' it seeps out onc't in awhile.

Last night a clan-man an me set off to bring Granny a bit of cheer. This clan-man has an infallible ability to wrest a chuckle from the most morose of beings. He din't slack off none last night.

"Granny, now we needs ter talk a mite. I been here 30 seconds an already seen a cloud of tension a'tween ya an' that aide what wuz tryin' ter hep ya some. Don'cha know these people is people too?"

Granny turned a pout on him, "People?" Ain't no people in heah, jes' aides and the demented hollerin' night an' day. I doan wanna have nuthin' ter do wif' no people. I jes' want mah folks.

"Aw Granny, youse a champion friend-maker. Ya has that gift of gab an' bein' a retired
psycho-logician an' all, ya knows how to win people over," said clan-man.

"Listen, sunshine-chile," snapped Granny, "would ya' be so keen to cotton up to that fella across the hall what wanders the corridors at dawn-thirty askin' who took his Jim Beam?

"Or that wraith in the bed yonder who croaks 'How much is that doggie in the window? WOOF WOOF!' night an' day, God bless her.

"Mebbe I oughta see if Matilda heah wants to hep me wif' the crossword page-- that is, after she asks me fer the umpteenth time, 'Where are we, dearie? Do you know where I am? I don't think these are my clothes, dearie. I'd like to wear the dress wif' the petunias on it."

Clan-man snickered. "Naw, Granny, I hear ya'. But now, c'mon. SOMEbody in heah must be as lucid as ya' is--an' jes as desperate fer intelligent stimulation...it's jes' a matter of seekin' them out an invitin' them to watch a movie or play scrabble wif' ya? Jes' hunt up the lucid ones, an git somethin' goin'. "

"Git somethin' goin? Ya want me to be the ship's entertainment director? Well, stay tuned Sunshine, fer The Lucid Hour brought to ya by Granny Cracker. We's got popcorn an' tiddlywinks fer those whose hands ain't twisted wif' palsy, movies on the ceilin' fer the man on the chair stretcher layin'on his back like a turtle , head poked forward to see the nurse's gams. I'll git somethin' goin'...I'se goin to git the hell outa here. !"

Sunshine grinned, "Aw, Granny, Ya' knows they ain't gonna let ya outa heah."

"They wil, Sugar Plum, l iffin' ya bring me a Luger tomorry."

"I'll bring two," he said.

Then she snickered herself.


darkfoam said...

i'm actually off to see my mom right now. ... sigh ..
i'll be back..

R.Powers said...

Bless her heart. I can imagine how frustrated she must be.
I hope she improves and can go home soon.
Take care of yourself in the meantime. Sometimes caretakers get plumb wore out and sick too.

fishy said...

Oh my mercy Mz Belle, you is a stitch. Granny being in the facility ain't no stitch atall. I'se agree wif ya; to have yore wit and intellect a trapped in a non-cooperative body is a living hell. My own teetering Ma has a piece of that reality and it is hard beyond belief.

Them cartoons you posted are a riot. Except I got's me a suspicion that sound I hear coming outta me ain't laughter but hysteria.

Godspeed Belle to you and Granny and the sunshiny clansman. I'll offer up a prayer fer ya everyone.

Jenny said...

If my dear Mother had lived beyond her (short) 71 years, she and your Granny could have been VERY GOOD friends.

Getting older is not for sissies.

Your Granny (and everyone's Granny) is in my prayers.

Pam said...

I love your writing :) And have wondered myself which is worse: sharp min /weak body or weak mind/strong body. I feel for granny cracker and will be sending up some prayers for her. To find that like-minded soul she can commiserate with. And a couple of prayers for you too, Auntie!

moi said...

Just imaging your Granny's frustration with her "cage" makes me both angry and terribly sad. I wish there were a better way for our elderly folks whose bodies give out long before their minds. Thinking of you and yours and your Granny. And . . . looking forward to hearing about the Lugers :o)

sparringK9 said...

ive actually arranged for a meteor to fall out of the sky right around the time my mind and eyesight fail to the point where i cant pull the whiskers off my upper lip.

give 'em hell, granny! (but treat the ones who change ya with the highest of respect. grrrrherhahahaha)

Susan Humeston said...

My parents are in the same situation. My father has been in and out of "rehab" - the name they give the old age home here. Luckily, he heals enough to go home. I've seen the demented elderly, the barely conscious ones cruising the hall in their wheelchairs, repeating something unintelligible to themselves. It's awful for someone with a good mind to be in with them. To me, it's just like putting kindergarten babies in with high school children and just treating them all the same - chaos. Unfortunately, it would cost a lot to have separate facilities so that those who are functioning mentally aren't lumped in like so many sardines with those who can't function mentally. It seems such a shame to put so much care and attention into raising children only to not give a crap about them once they reach old age - and just provide any old place for them.