Granny Cracker is awaitin' surgery --a week from now. Meanwhile she be's too weak to do much fer herself, so she cools her jets in "the facility" as she calls it. It ain't got all the comforts of home--her home to be exact, complete wif' pet.
Iffin' ya been readin' here fer a spell then ya know how poor Granny has struggled since July--in an out of her home an "the facility." Iffin' ya touch her, somethin' breaks or bleeds or brusies. This means it takes special machines and at least four hands to move her to an' fro. After the surgery she will be in "the facility" at least 10 weeks. I'se here to say that when your body betrays ya at eve'r turn, but yore mind is sharp as the stilletoes Granny used to wear, well, thas' a cage most folks cain't fathom.
Y'all, at this point, her good humor is jes' frayed past endurance. An' it seeps out onc't in awhile.
Last night a clan-man an me set off to bring Granny a bit of cheer. This clan-man has an infallible ability to wrest a chuckle from the most morose of beings. He din't slack off none last night.
"Granny, now we needs ter talk a mite. I been here 30 seconds an already seen a cloud of tension a'tween ya an' that aide what wuz tryin' ter hep ya some. Don'cha know these people is people too?"
Granny turned a pout on him, "People?" Ain't no people in heah, jes' aides and the demented hollerin' night an' day. I doan wanna have nuthin' ter do wif' no people. I jes' want mah folks.
"Aw Granny, youse a champion friend-maker. Ya has that gift of gab an' bein' a retired
psycho-logician an' all, ya knows how to win people over," said clan-man.
"Listen, sunshine-chile," snapped Granny, "would ya' be so keen to cotton up to that fella across the hall what wanders the corridors at dawn-thirty askin' who took his Jim Beam?
"Or that wraith in the bed yonder who croaks 'How much is that doggie in the window? WOOF WOOF!' night an' day, God bless her.
"Mebbe I oughta see if Matilda heah wants to hep me wif' the crossword page-- that is, after she asks me fer the umpteenth time, 'Where are we, dearie? Do you know where I am? I don't think these are my clothes, dearie. I'd like to wear the dress wif' the petunias on it."
Clan-man snickered. "Naw, Granny, I hear ya'. But now, c'mon. SOMEbody in heah must be as lucid as ya' is--an' jes as desperate fer intelligent stimulation...it's jes' a matter of seekin' them out an invitin' them to watch a movie or play scrabble wif' ya? Jes' hunt up the lucid ones, an git somethin' goin'. "
"Git somethin' goin? Ya want me to be the ship's entertainment director? Well, stay tuned Sunshine, fer The Lucid Hour brought to ya by Granny Cracker. We's got popcorn an' tiddlywinks fer those whose hands ain't twisted wif' palsy, movies on the ceilin' fer the man on the chair stretcher layin'on his back like a turtle , head poked forward to see the nurse's gams. I'll git somethin' goin'...I'se goin to git the hell outa here. !"
Sunshine grinned, "Aw, Granny, Ya' knows they ain't gonna let ya outa heah."
"They wil, Sugar Plum, l iffin' ya bring me a Luger tomorry."
"I'll bring two," he said.
Then she snickered herself.