Truce or Dare?

The man is incorrigible.

Suffice to say that when the doc says youse been livin' on the breath of a hair trigger fer a spell, that means tip toe until they fix that ticker.

Uncle's heart device implant procedures wuz delayed until Thursday, when, fer an entree, we had EP lab ( up the groin to check the electrical circuitry) BAD results. Then in the afternoon, fer dessert, we had the heart cath--through the wrist --Good results: no blockage, Uncle has clean arteries,. ( No heart surgery, just devices to implant)

"Belle, I ain't eatin' that mung they serve 'round heah. GO git me a double Wendy's burger, no onions, no cheese, a large Frosty and fries."

Aunty: "But..but, Wendy's..??"

"Belle, mah arteries is good --go git me the burger--I'se been NPO since yesterday, an' will be again tonight at midnight."

Y'ain't lived until ya walk the long hospital corridors an' the cardiac floor wif' a big sack of Wendy's an' a tower-size Frosty. Folks give me wide berth lest some fat grams leap from the bag to their bellies. I'se a walking revulsion. Doctors glare an' scowl. The nurses thinks I'se tryin' to kill Uncle --an' I'd like to.

We sniped at each other--I bid the fella adieu 'til mornin', the implant be scheduled fer noon Friday.

Phone jangles at 6 a.m. The doc. "Sorry to call so early but there is a concern...."

Remember the prior post? How Uncle WOULD harelip hades to go huntin' despite medical warning to the contrary? An' how he caught a cold?

"Aloysius developed a fever in the night," said doc. "We cannot do the implants while he has a fever. I'm sending the infectious disease specialist to take a look. We'll get him on the right antibiotic and do the implants on Tuesday or Wednesday. Meanwhile, we have to keep him on the monitors--his situation is very precarious."

Next call were from Uncle, "Come git me--I ain't stayin' here five days."

Fer the record, I tried all the "Now darlin' youse jes' aggravated but ya' know ya' cain't leave, it's too risky," stuff.

May as well spit into a gale. I tried to reason wif' the log-head, "Let's do this a day at a time--let the infectious doc figger out the trouble an' see wahr' thangs stand."

He wuzn't havin' it.

Ya' cain't holler at a man thas' already hurtin'. But I did. Sorry (sorta) but I did that, yep I did.

"Aloysius, I ain't takin' ya' home to die on mah watch, no siree, I ain't."

"I ain't died yet; the doctors is wrong. I'se FINE, they jes' ain't never seen a fella wif' this much fire power a'fore. Come git me outa here. Be here by 10 o'clock or I'll walk home."

Imagine a man whose heart be fragile as glass eggshell walking the city streets.

I called clan folk fer help, an' they took turns guiltin' him' on the issue. Even the priest ( Uncle's former racquet ball partner) came an' tole Uncle "Stay put. Offer it up, Aloysius. You need all the help you can get."

When I arrived Uncle wuz slippin' on his loafers, his blue dress shirt buttoned down, an' him all shaved an' his wig powdered. The telemetry hid in his pocket. He smiled at me in the mirror, " I doan look too bad, now do I, Sugar?"

Aunty: "Yeah, darlin', youse gonna give the mortician's daughter the thrill of her life."

The male nurse pops in, "Ah, sir? 'Ss..sscuse me, ah, where....ah, what are you doing sir? In those clothes?"

"Goin' down to that Starbucks in the lobby. I'll be back directly."

"Ah, sir? You see, that's not a good idea. I'll have some sent up if you like. Or your missus here can go..."

I'SE goin' to get the cawfee, thas' the whole point. I ain't stayin' in bed all day."

"Sir, your monitor does not work past the doors of this floor. It's not a good idea for you."

Nurse an' Aunty talked Uncle into hangin' out in the unit's "family room"--a large windowed room set up like a kitchen/ family room wif' big screen ESPN. He chatted wif' ever'body that came along, took credit fer Tebow, lamented LSU's loss to Bama, flirted wif' the lady nurses, even the hefty ones.
They the came an' took his temp and blood pressure in thar, delivered a plastic cup of pills to him while he channel surfed. Reckon any of us'uns could git such service? I realized right then that clothes make the fella--iffin' he be in that hospital gown wif' his behind flappin in the breeze, nobody would treat him in such a way--he looked in command.

A stray doc came in to hit the java, He an' Uncle stood at the big windows watchin' the activity below. They discussed the construction methods of the new wing of hospital, Standard an' Poor's downgrade of the Eurozone, Uncle clearly drivin' the conversation, Finally the doc asked, "And, who are you again?" Doc done blanched when Uncle peeled back his shirt an' doc seen the wires. Doc 'scused hisself an marched to the nurse's station.

Within minutes a Uncle's nurse came in to announce the next bag of fluids was ready an he needed to git hisself back in bed.

"I ain't ready to go back to bed."

Aunty jes' had it. "Aloysius, I snapped a picture or two of ya' wif' all them wires an thangs, in that fanny flappin' gown. Git yoreself together, behave half-way decent or I'll be postin' them on the Front Porch."


moi said...

I know how scary and maddening this situation is for you and how serious it is for Uncle's health. But I have to admit it. I kind of admire the man's will.

Keep us informed, and I'm praying to God: "Get your mind off football this weekend and keep it focused on Aunty and Uncle, please."

Anonymous said...

Ha! You are a clever woman, Aunty. Blackmail the recalcitrant into behaving - at least minimally. Hopefully, despite not wanting to, he is taking this seriously at this point. For sure it has got to be driving you crazy, and there is certainly the worry factor that is no doubt exhausting.

Tell him he needs to get this fixed now so he WILL go hunting next season.

Hoping for the best outcome from here.


Aunty Belle said...

Moi, heh, I'se tempted to show this hilarious photo of the ole coot swaggerin' around as if all is well--but youse likely to agree wif' him! Do he have a willful personality? I has the scars to prove it.

Uncle will LOVE yore prayer.


I'se almost ashamed to pull that on him--almost.

An ya can be shure as sky is high that he done writ a note to the docs right on his chest: "Not here, I shoot right handed." He made the nurse and tech write on his chart that he is a hunter an that device better be put on his LEFT side or thar's gonna be a whale of a lawsuit.

grins said...

I realized just the other day that I only get mad at Jr. when Hon gets mad at him.
I was reading your previous post and saying. Man what a knucklehead. Then I remembered, I almost escaped when I could barely walk about nine months ago. Fortunately they had good drugs, they kept me so drugged they weren't sure when to send me home or not. I bet I stayed an extra two days because of that. The only reason I was there was so I could hunt better. Hah! I'm not sure which of you I feel worse for.

Sharon Rudd said...

Was hoping for an update, and here I get this well-spun tale . . . Which I am glad to take as a sign you're hanging in there than if the porch were silent. Thinking of both you and Uncle.

Anonymous said...

I love it! I was right, Uncle is as bad as any of us. "Not here, I shoot right handed!" I am glad to see you both have your sense of humor, though you can be sure he is dead serious about that. He must be amazing to live with! But then, I sense you are quite a lady yourself!


fishy said...

Now Aunty,
I can tell you true I got more sympathy for you than for Uncle. And... I have a LOT of sympathy for a fella who will not whimper down.

We is surely married to the stubbornest men God ever blessed. Blowfish does have a pacemaker, it is on his left side and he is left handed. The one spot of trouble he has had with that life saving implant is when he went shooting and dislodged one of the wires into his heart. The old fool defended hisself by saying how they should not a put the thing where it could be bothersome. I lost all patience with him and said, " Look Mr. Anatomy, your heart is on the left so maybe you should cease this balderdash and accept your realities". His response?
" Look here Fishy, we are makin' the same point, a fella has to live".

I am saying some prayers.
Y'all best be drugging the man if the football gets too excitin. I hope you are getting some peace and some sleep. xoxoxoxo

Caroline said...

Somebody better be watching out over these stubborn men some of us is married to, or we might kill them ourselves!
Best to Uncle, and keep care of yourself, Aunty.

MamaHen said...

My best to you both Aunty. I hope everything goes smoothly, despite Uncle. ;)

Karl said...

Good afternoon Aunty Belle,

I have a feeling, that no amount of blackmail is going to make a Uncle do anything he doesn't want to do. Likely he's just dealing with the frustration of his situation as best he knows how. Unfortunately you're dealing with the brunt of the situation. I feel for both of you.

Regarding your camera problems. Have you considered bypassing the Nikon software. Use explore to transfer the photos off of your camera and use Photoshop or Picture Manager for viewing and processing of them. I have found this to work much better than using the software that came with my Sony cameras. If you're not sure how to do this, let me know and I'll walk you through it.

All the best of both of you!

Debora said...

Oh dear, Aunty! I think you better take Uncle's clothes home. So if he tries to leave, he'll have to do it in the fanny-flappin' gown. He wouldn't go outside in that would he?

Aunty Belle said...

All, thanky so much fer the kind words--youse true blues, y'all is.

We's scheduled fer Monday noonish. More when I know somethin'.

Pam said...

Post the pics anyway!

Prayers for Uncle, I so hope the procedures go well and you are getting good news. When will they start the brain scans for the stubborn streak?

Prayers to you Auntie. I know you are concerned and rightly so. Strength and peace and lots of love to you both.


Pam said...

P.S., I still recommend Picasa (free download from Google) for transferring pics and then for the great abilities for editing. The new version even has better toys to play with than before. Are you having problems with the camera?

Jenny said...

I missed this. :-( But your threat was funny and I have a feeling he believed you. xoxoxoo

Scout said...

He is a lovable handful. Indeed he is. I will say a prayer for you both! Great writing - I felt like I was there watching the whole scene!!