How to Start a Fight in The South: BBQ!

Ya' wanna start a good fight? Jes' bring up the subject of "The BEST BBQ " an' watch thangs fire up.

Continuin' on up the road after Savannah (see two posts back) me and Uncle was listenin' to an informative book-on-tape: The Politically Incorrect Guide to The South.
It's pretty good, lots of dollops of humor... but much better is The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Civil War by Harry Crocker, a gentleman an' a scholar.

Well, Ya' ain't gonna listen to stories about the South wif'out workin' up a fair appetite fer BBQ. Iffin' ya'll's watched the Food Network, why, ya' know that even on thar' BBQ is in dispute. I mean, which is the best.

Problem is, ever'body likes somethin' different. Thar's Memphis BBQ, and Texas BBQ, North Carolina BBQ, thar's "wet" BBQ or dry rub, thar's sweet and thar's hot-as-hell's-hinges BBQ, and then thar's tomato based sauces and vinegar sauces and in Georgia they spike theirs wif' peaches...the Kentuckians respond wif' bourbon...ah, folks, it boggles the brain.

But I knows when to keep mah mouth shut. Ain't no use gettin' between a man and his dawg, his football team or his BBQ. Uncle was comin' near to Maurice country so I knowed we'd be takin' a wee detour.

If ya' ain't heard of the BBQ feud between the Millionaire Bessinger brothers ya's missed a shoot-out. They built a BBQ empire, and shipped their famous mustard based sauce ever'where.

Maurice is the one who was adamant in his politics--he put the Confederate flag on the bottle label and flew it over his place to make note of his displeasure wif the federal "colossus" (gubmint.) Now, in this era of political correctness, that caused trouble fer others. Mah own local grocery quit carryin' the famous sauce (To Uncle's great aggravation!) as did the big who-ees like Sam's and thas' why we buys a case load onc't a year. It is a staple down whar' Uncle hunts, since it's what he give his huntin' fellas fer Christmas.

Well, nevermind all that--here we is at one of the 17 Maurice's in South Carolina. No foolin' the wood is stacked up high as the roof--it is real pit BBQ, ya' see. Besides, the sauce was on special, so in we went. (fer the record, I prefers dark bourbon /tomato base sauce)

First thang is, it is part book store. Maurice wants ya'll to have yore vittles, but he also wants ya to read the Constitution, the Confederate Constitution and few other books thas' survived book-burnin'.

So Aunty be's perusin' the books and Uncle orders us up the "best" BBQ to be had --at least along this road. Five miles further on, no-tellin'.

See what he done wolfed? Half pound of pulled pork fer an appetizer to get him primed fer the ribs...washed down wif' a gallon of sweet iced tea.

It were Gator game day, so natcherly Uncle is in his uniform....(least we wuzn't playin no SC Gamecocks!)
Despite the Confederate decor--all the famous Southern Generals hung on the walls, the Confederate flag a' all, some black families ain't a bit troubled an' they knows good BBQ too...mostly it is yankee transplant newspaper reporters who stir up trouble. Leave us'uns alone and we does fine.
Meanwhile Aunty was wishin' she had left room fer a peach milkshake. Reckon it will have to wait til next visit.

What's yore favorite BBQ?

* * * *

From Lew Rockwell:

The Constitution, states Mr. Bessinger, spells out "the proper relationship between the several states and the United States government." The federal government was a creation of the states (all of whom, except Rhode Island, sent delegates to the Philadelphia Convention of 1787). It did not seize power. Its powers were originally few, and carefully delineated. The Bill of Rights, appended following a struggle with the so-called Anti-Federalists who believed the new document gave the central government too much power, concludes with the 9th and 10th Amendments. These read, respectively: "The enumeration in this Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." The basic idea: rights antecede governments. They are not created by governments.


Gnomeself Be True said...

Tomato based for me as well Aunty.
In my time in Virginia, I came to appreciate the NC vinegar/chopped to hell BBQ, but I never came to prefer it.

moi said...

Tomato/bourbon based, baby back ribs, on occasion a pulled pork sandwich. But, mostly, ribs. And once I got over the initial, tooth-tingling shock, it's been sweet tea for Moi all the way.

And, uh, look out, Lou Rockwell's an anarcho-capitalist :o)!

ThursdayNext said...

This Yankee knows diddley about BBQ and I admit that. Still, Aunty, there is one place in Oneonta NY called Brooks House of BBQ that has amazing sauce. I buy boxes when I go or order it online. Here is the link...humor the Yank and check it out?


h said...

I'm gonna have to look up this Maurice fellow to see if he deserves a few of my hard-earned dollars. SOUNDS like he gets it.

For the record, there are 4 places that have a legitimate claim as BBQ innovators:

1) Eastern North Carolina.

2) Western North Carolina.

3) Memphis.

4) Kansas City.

St. Louis Residents and Texans (and others) will claim the Honor but they fall short. St. Louis is too close to Memphis in style. Texas is like Kansas City only inferior.

The saddest moment in Top Chef History occured when their ALL-YANKEE producers decided to have a "BBQ" contest in which NONE of the Contestants could possibly have made BBQ.

Morons don't know the difference tween GRILLING MEAT and BBQ!

As for which of the 4 is better, I say this:

What those of not among the 4 should be doing is looking forward and creating a NEW EXCITING and genuinely distinct way to BBQ.

But it can't be anything as lame as drunk Georgians throwing peaches into the fire.

puerileuwaite said...

I'm crazy about "KC Masterpiece Original" BBQ sauce. It's out of Kansas City. Good stuff.

But sorry: I'm dubious of anything Maurice says or produces. You see, when Steve Miller's song "The Joker" came out, I associated anyone named Maurice with the "pompatus of love". Turns out that every Maurice I've met so far doesn't know diddly about the subject.

R.Powers said...

Fancy Rhode Island being a state ... my county is larger geographically than Rhode Island.

As for BBQ ... I have yet to turn any down because it didn't taste good.
Still, I prefer a good tomato based sauce added at the end of a slow cook over wood so it becomes a tangy glaze.
I think most PRO's cook it too long and to me a sign of bad BBQ is "meat so tender it falls off the bone"
I want to chew BBQ.

And why do restaurants that serve great food even offer desert ... as if there is ever any room left!

Or money ... what a rip off restaurant deserts are.

Anonymous said...

for us, bbq is a family business ..
so, as far as i'm concerned, the best bbq is sold just 2 miles over yonder .. :)

Big Shamu said...

BBQ. I'm surprised you haven't had the same sort of throw down as we did with the Kill the Squirrels/Love the Squirrels Extravaganza?
I have to fall on the North Carolina pulled pork sammie. Which ribs depends upon my mood, beef if I'm feeling a mighty hunger, pork or baby backs if I'm sharing. I generally don't sauce my ribs post fire, I love the smokiness of the low and slow process.
Sweet tea? Generally too sweet, I get unsweetened and sugar my own.
Here in KC there are too many bbq joints to count but enough to smell EVERY DAY! Burnt Ends seems to be KC's particular claim to BBQ fame. As for KC Masterpiece I believe there's only one restaurant left in town. Was a family biz but like many restaurants things got a bit fuzzy in the financials and now they are left with one restaurant.
I'm with the Troll, Top Chef screwed the pooch with a grilling challenge dressed up as BBQ. Let's hope Tom never has to judge a true Southern Meal challenge because the South Will Rise Again if only to tar and feather the boy.

Anonymous said...

Iamnot, Sugar,
I agrees--I can tolerate that chopped hash, but I doan choose it.

Moi, Madam President,
Lou is anarcho, fer shure..hoowwwl!! (I doan agree wif everthang on that site, but some of it will pry loose some hard thinkin' won't it?)

Thursday, Sweet Pea,
I will check it out!! Yankee BBQ? I gotta investigate.


You'll Like the fella--promise. and yeah, them food network guys think grillin' is BBQ--whas' wif that huh? An' LOL on drunk Georgians and peaches.

Puerileuwaite, Honey chile,
heh..I chuckle, yep, Maurice ain't much of a proper name fer a fella that means bidness, is it? I'll order ups some of the KC MAsterpiece and see ....

FloridaCracker, Puddin,
NO Restaurant desserts! (Well, akshully, thar's a Frenchy place near us that does make sublime Grand Marnier souffle's ) But I hears ya on the matter of wood smoke--minus the wood smoke, it ain't really BBQ to me.


Really? Family bidness? Tell us whar'"2 miles over yonder " is??

Big Shamu, Darlin'
amen to the no sauce after the fire--first, it is too messy, next it obscures the the smoky meat....
But here's mah trick on the sweet tea in restaurants: I ask fer 2/3 sweet, 1/3 unsweet. Uncle handles is differently. He gits sweet tea then squeezes a 1/2 bushel of lemons in it.

Ya'll is fun. Here is my offerin--it ain't BBQ, but it is a fine marinade and glaze fer most anything ya put over a fire--wood fire or charcoal grill:

Into the blender put 4 large cloves of garlic, 1/2 of ONE jalepeno pepper (seeds removed), 1/2 cup soy sauce, 3/4 cup FRESH lime juice, 2/3 cup honey, 1 1/2 cup olive oil, whirl until blended, pour over meat and let stand room temp for 2 hours or refrigerate overnight.

This marinade is great on butterflied leg of lamb grilled to medium rare. (Always ask butcher to remove the lamb fat, as much as possible) Baste with marinade during cooking.

It is also very good on chicken and pork, even shrimp. I do not use it on beef.


NYD said...

I know all anyone needs to know about BBQ. I just shut the hell up eat as much as I can get and compliment the cook. Tomato, mustard, rubs or mops. Sharp and fiery or Mellow and savory. They are all good.

I am hankerin for some right now!!!

Jenny said...

Tofu anyone?

*sigh* I'm so outta this post.


h said...

Poor Boxer,


Ingredients :

500g EXTRA-FIRM organic tofu
3 teaspoons of vegetable stock powder
3 tablespoons of light soy sauce
olive oil
fresh herbs (I recommend lemon thyme and rosemary)
freshly ground black pepper
2 cloves of garlic
hot water
cold water


Freeze, thaw, wash and drain tofu. Slice the tofu into steaks (I recommend 1/2 to 1cm thickness) and set aside.

Roughly chop the garlic making sure not to cut it too finely or it will burn on the hot plate.

Add the garlic, stock powder, soy sauce, a small dash of both olive oil and vinegar, a few good grinds of the pepper grinder, roughly chopped herbs to taste to a large container.

Add enough hot water to dissolve the stock. Add around half a cup of cold water and stir.

Place tofu steaks into the container and add enough cold water to just cover the tofu. Give it a bit of a swish around and put it in the fridge for at least 1 hour to marinade.

Heat low-and-slow about a foot above wood-fire.

It's about as close as you can get to tasty using Tofu.

Jenny said...

Bloggy Tear here Troll, this is the first time I've seen a tofu recipe that I could actually see myself trying.

Thank you.

Karen said...

If I ate BBQ at the moment my teeth would still be sitting in the steak but hell it all sounds splendiferous to me.

I could read your cracker speak all day long Aunty, it's so very entertaining.

Have a wonderful weekend.

NYD said...

Before you freeze the tofu you MUST press the water out of it.
dang the strange things people do to food.

If you want to have fun with the second best thing theat comes from soy beans just give me a holler. I actually eat this stuff every day.

Anonymous said...

Aunty! I can't believe you were down to Maurice's and didn't have fresh peach milkshake! What were you thinking! I don't live close to Maurice's but when i'm traveling in that quadrant I always go to Maurices. Those shakes of his may not be better than the Q but it's every bit as good! I slurp it so hard and serious I gets a brain freeze!

As fer my favorite....i likes the mustard base on my chicken and pork and the tomato based sauce on my beef. But have you tried fresh honey and peach slow smoked pork? That's the entire ingredients list...equal parts fresh honey and fresh peaches. It is seriously good eatin!

Iffin you traveling that way again I'll tell you bout a little place mebbe an hour away from Maurices which by gosh owns the
tag line " best fried chicken in the south". It's better than fried chicken from Mendenhall or C'nooga or anyplace in Kentucky or Georgia.
No sit in and dine either cause their "seasoned" equipment don't pass the new food fire codes so they's kept their seasoned kitchen and just sell their chicken as take out wif no restaurant. Times I've been theys standing room only fer the pickups, packed in lovely white boxes like the gift it is.