5.31.2008

Ya' Made That Story Up

No I din't. This is all true.



"Aunty, I cain't stay. Mama done cried and Daddy smacked his fist in his palm and hollered at me, but I'se packed. I jes' gotta git on back to California."

Knownin' it's be useless to try to talk a dreamy eyed young sprout outa her decision, I asked
Nellie Bea why she thought her best chance fer bidness was on the west coast 'stead of heah at home. She has a shiny new MBA from a fancy learnin' center and is itchin' to make a go of startin' her own bidness.

"Aunty, California grows thangs Quick. No use waitin' round heah fer moss to grow. Ya'll ain't even got a Pinkberry Shop. Ever'thang heah is behind the curve an' I wanna git out in front of thangs."

Pinkberry? What is Pinkberry?



"See? Exactly! Ya' not only doan have it, ya doan know about it. Pinkberry is only the revolutionary example of makin' yogurt into major green, Aunty. It is the Starbucks of yogurt. No really! Howard Schultz padded Pinkberry wif' 20 million. Thas' how it goes in California. Ya' have a dream and they comes true. A Korean girl opened her Pinkberry store an now she is MBA history."

While we picked herbs fer Nellie to take home to her mama, she gurgled on and on about a new fangled hip/cool/rad/jived/ twist on yogurt.

"Aunty, ain't ya' a blogger? Well, then does ya' read Rosie O'Neill? The food blogger? She said, 'I would get Pinkberry IV'ed into my veins if I could.' "


Mercy! Who likes yogurt that much? So I asked, what is so special about pink yogurt?

"It is all natural and lo cal, for the barebodies of Santa Monica. An' of course, the shop is so Philippe Starck chic. Ya' know--like, gag, who wants yogurt from a kiddie's ice cream joint? Natural costs more, an' nobody blinks to pay $7 fer a cup of Pinkberry Green Tea Shaved Ice."

Seven bucks fer a cup of shaved ice? Can we say "high roller treatment, baby." Them same folks is writin' articles on why Big Oil is makin' too much money.

Nellie Bea tied her herbs in mah signature burlap twine an' plopped them in a brown plastic bag. I had a sudden vision of bundling fresh herbs in blue polka dot ribbons and nestling them clear plastic mini pails wif' wire handles...little herbal remedy recipe cards attached.

Nellie Bea, ya' reckon thar's room next to that PinkYogurt store fer mah new venture, Aunty's Herbs?

I doan know why not, Aunty. I mean, the Nutri Bliss store next to Pinkberry does a fabulous trade!

Nutri Bliss?

"Shure, ya' know, that all natural herbal viagra store."

8 comments:

moi said...

Fifty bazillion years of evolutionary progress. You'd think we humans would have our discerning judgment skills down to a tee. Nah, we're still as snake oil gullible as ever!

Aunty Belle said...

Moi, I'se befuddled. Reckon we's bloggin' up the wrong tree? What bidness can we build based on public gullibility?

What I notice is that people will pay (and pay and pay!) for image. Not substance, but an image.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I spend most of my days trying to find schnizz like this that I can sell instead of plastic. *sigh* It's ALL smoke and mirrors, isn't it?

Aunty Belle said...

Alright, ladies, thas' it--thas' all I can take--iffin' THEY can do it, WE can do it--dang it!

So, uh, let's haul in that She-Puppy to do the artwork, an' let's us start Four Bloggers'Get Rich Quick Scheme.

Anon Boxer, mebbe we's gonna pair yore plastics expertise wif Moi's shoe-sense an' make somethin' classier and more image conscious than Crocs.

I doan want no long management nightmare thang, gals--jes' a cool idea up an runnin' to sell off fer about 20 mil.

How 'bout it??

moi said...

I meant, we sell snake oil with a lot of the products we label as "all natural". It's still butter fat and sugar :o) No miracle elixir, there.

Also, snake oil when it comes to image. In my opinion, McDonald's soft serve yogurt has it hands down over Pinkberry. At at a fifth of the cost, too. But that's not very hip, is it?

ThursdayNext said...

They are all over NYC and I refuse to pay that much for it. 95 cents for a topping? COME ON!

..................... said...

so.. that's what a pinkberry is..
i thought it was the girlie blackberry maybe..
but then, i'm from the backwaters from nc ..
what do i know ..

Aunty Belle said...

Heh..Yep Moi...no miracle elixir.

Thursday? They's in NYC? No no no--doan pay fer that silly stuff.

Foamy?? Pinkberry--ha ha ha! why shure, it do sound like them Blackberries. Very clever.