By the time I waltzed down stairs this mornin' Uncle already be up. The cawfee smelt heavenly.
Uncle glanced up from the paper, smiled, then ducked back down into a soup bowl full of Cheerios piled wif'' sliced bananas. It be all of 6:45 a.m. He caught me peering at him in mild wonder. "What?" he asked.
"When ya' wake up is ya' akshully hungry?" I inquired.
Uncle patted his mouth wif' his napkin like a good fella, then said, "Accordin' to ever'thang I've read, a body should eat something straight away to git that metabolism jump started." He smiled. (Cheerful mornin' people is known to be of subnormal IQ)
I squinted at him.
"What?" he demanded.
"Jes' answer the question, why doan'cha?"
"Huh?"
I shook mah haid, turned to pour some cawfee. "Ya' gave me a justification. I ain't lookin' fer justification. I'se lookin' fer information."
"Belle, what in tarnation is ya' tawken about? Ya' know I git lost when ya' start all that hairsplittin' jabber."
"Aloysius," I said, "it were a simple question: Is ya' hungry the minute yore feet hit the floor? Is ya' hungry this early in the mornin'? I din't as't iffin' it is a good idea to eat early, or is it a scientific fact that ya live to be a thousand iffin' ya' eat at dawn....I jes' wondered iffin' youse akshully hungry? Thas' all."
He looked perplexed. "Oh." He snapped the paper in front of his eyes an' I took mah cawfee out onto the porch.
Other times this week:
Aunty to meat manager at local grocer's "Do y'all have a French boned rack of lamb? Or can ya carve me one?"
Manager: "You know, mam, awhile back a woman brought us in a photo in a cookbook about French boning ."
Aunty: "Is that a yes or a no?"
Manager, "Mam? Yes or no what?"
Aunty: "Yes, you have, or, can do a French boned rack of lamb? Or, no, ya' cain't."
Manager: "Why do folks want that anyway?"
Aunty:"Reckon thas' a 'no'."
Aunty to editor: "How soon does y'all want that piece on orangutan social networks?"
Editor Herman: "We want to run that article as part of our new line up. I know it's a change, a little less gravitas, but keep in mind that digital media is a different animal. The rules are different now. It could be good."
Aunty: "I ain't askin' ya to justify the content of the new line up. I jes' need to know how soon ya' need it afore I agree to it. Lookin' for hard information, Herman, not communications theory. "
Is it jes' me folks? Do it seem a REAL BIG DEAL these days jes' to git an answer to a simple question? Seems to me ever'body is prone to justify--start listenin' an tell me do ya hear this too? I could probably git 250K stimulus grant to research this phenomena.
Must be I still ain't over mah air travel trauma. Cain't seem to shake the grumpiness.
Grrrrr!
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