The man is incorrigible.
Suffice to say that when the doc says youse been livin' on the breath of a hair trigger fer a spell, that means tip toe until they fix that ticker.
Uncle's heart device implant procedures wuz delayed until Thursday, when, fer an entree, we had EP lab ( up the groin to check the electrical circuitry) BAD results. Then in the afternoon, fer dessert, we had the heart cath--through the wrist --Good results: no blockage, Uncle has clean arteries,. ( No heart surgery, just devices to implant)
"Belle, I ain't eatin' that mung they serve 'round heah. GO git me a double Wendy's burger, no onions, no cheese, a large Frosty and fries."
Aunty: "But..but, Wendy's..??"
"Belle, mah arteries is good --go git me the burger--I'se been NPO since yesterday, an' will be again tonight at midnight."
Y'ain't lived until ya walk the long hospital corridors an' the cardiac floor wif' a big sack of Wendy's an' a tower-size Frosty. Folks give me wide berth lest some fat grams leap from the bag to their bellies. I'se a walking revulsion. Doctors glare an' scowl. The nurses thinks I'se tryin' to kill Uncle --an' I'd like to.
We sniped at each other--I bid the fella adieu 'til mornin', the implant be scheduled fer noon Friday.
Phone jangles at 6 a.m. The doc. "Sorry to call so early but there is a concern...."
Remember the prior post? How Uncle WOULD harelip hades to go huntin' despite medical warning to the contrary? An' how he caught a cold?
"Aloysius developed a fever in the night," said doc. "We cannot do the implants while he has a fever. I'm sending the infectious disease specialist to take a look. We'll get him on the right antibiotic and do the implants on Tuesday or Wednesday. Meanwhile, we have to keep him on the monitors--his situation is very precarious."
Next call were from Uncle, "Come git me--I ain't stayin' here five days."
Fer the record, I tried all the "Now darlin' youse jes' aggravated but ya' know ya' cain't leave, it's too risky," stuff.
May as well spit into a gale. I tried to reason wif' the log-head, "Let's do this a day at a time--let the infectious doc figger out the trouble an' see wahr' thangs stand."
He wuzn't havin' it.
Ya' cain't holler at a man thas' already hurtin'. But I did. Sorry (sorta) but I did that, yep I did.
"Aloysius, I ain't takin' ya' home to die on mah watch, no siree, I ain't."
"I ain't died yet; the doctors is wrong. I'se FINE, they jes' ain't never seen a fella wif' this much fire power a'fore. Come git me outa here. Be here by 10 o'clock or I'll walk home."
Imagine a man whose heart be fragile as glass eggshell walking the city streets.
I called clan folk fer help, an' they took turns guiltin' him' on the issue. Even the priest ( Uncle's former racquet ball partner) came an' tole Uncle "Stay put. Offer it up, Aloysius. You need all the help you can get."
When I arrived Uncle wuz slippin' on his loafers, his blue dress shirt buttoned down, an' him all shaved an' his wig powdered. The telemetry hid in his pocket. He smiled at me in the mirror, " I doan look too bad, now do I, Sugar?"
Aunty: "Yeah, darlin', youse gonna give the mortician's daughter the thrill of her life."
The male nurse pops in, "Ah, sir? 'Ss..sscuse me, ah, where....ah, what are you doing sir? In those clothes?"
"Goin' down to that Starbucks in the lobby. I'll be back directly."
"Ah, sir? You see, that's not a good idea. I'll have some sent up if you like. Or your missus here can go..."
"I'SE goin' to get the cawfee, thas' the whole point. I ain't stayin' in bed all day."
"Sir, your monitor does not work past the doors of this floor. It's not a good idea for you."
Nurse an' Aunty talked Uncle into hangin' out in the unit's "family room"--a large windowed room set up like a kitchen/ family room wif' big screen ESPN. He chatted wif' ever'body that came along, took credit fer Tebow, lamented LSU's loss to Bama, flirted wif' the lady nurses, even the hefty ones. They the came an' took his temp and blood pressure in thar, delivered a plastic cup of pills to him while he channel surfed. Reckon any of us'uns could git such service? I realized right then that clothes make the fella--iffin' he be in that hospital gown wif' his behind flappin in the breeze, nobody would treat him in such a way--he looked in command.
A stray doc came in to hit the java, He an' Uncle stood at the big windows watchin' the activity below. They discussed the construction methods of the new wing of hospital, Standard an' Poor's downgrade of the Eurozone, Uncle clearly drivin' the conversation, Finally the doc asked, "And, who are you again?" Doc done blanched when Uncle peeled back his shirt an' doc seen the wires. Doc 'scused hisself an marched to the nurse's station.
Within minutes a Uncle's nurse came in to announce the next bag of fluids was ready an he needed to git hisself back in bed.
"I ain't ready to go back to bed."
Aunty jes' had it. "Aloysius, I snapped a picture or two of ya' wif' all them wires an thangs, in that fanny flappin' gown. Git yoreself together, behave half-way decent or I'll be postin' them on the Front Porch."
